Taking myself out of my comfort zone is something I try to do very often, but something I still really do struggle with despite my vast improvement over the last few years. I've already told you about my anxious solo fears that extend to sitting and eating alone (at least something other than what I can buy in a coffee shop), not burying my head in my phone when alone in public, and fearing people watching me (even when they couldn't care less about my existence). I'm generally an anxious and nervous person in relatively unknown situations.
The difference in my confidence whilst I was in Lisbon though, it was something unmatched something I’ve never felt before. I could barely recognise myself, in the best possible way. Suddenly I was shooting content in public (both videos/photos of my outfits, walking down the street, taking selfies in public places), eating brunch on my own daily, taking myself for drinks at happy hour and making dinner reservations to eat watching the sunset.
There was one minor hiccup when I internally begged myself to stand and queue at Dear Breakfast in Chiado, the line was small yet I was still unsure if I wanted to queue alone for a breakfast spot that was evidently already crowded. But pushing that aside, I reminded myself how annoyed I’d be if I let that put me off and left another place unticked off my list when there was no valid reason for me not to. When the server reached me in line, she immediately thought I wanted a table for 3 because she assumed I was with the 2 ladies behind me. It was so minor and actually made me chuckle a bit, it’s normal to expect that people are arriving in groups together, but it’s becoming far more common for people to be dining alone too.
Despite my initial (mild) awkwardness being seated at the end of a 8 seater table with a couple, I was seated right by the window, the iconic spot where you can look out over the balcony and watch the yellow funiculars passing up and down. I was so close and it made me happy that I’d been seated so near. As soon as the couple of ladies at that table got up and left, I flagged down a server and asked if I could move there. Pre-Lisbon me would have chickened out, she wouldn’t have dared to ask in case she heard a no in return, but this Sam knew there was a possibility of a yes in return and asked. I got the table! The sun was pouring in, I was eating delicious pancakes, sipping my iced pistachio latte and watching the word pass by like I’d seen others do online with a magical view. Little moments like this seem just that to other people - little - but to me it felt big and rewarding and reminded me that I had to take what I could get out of that trip because I didn’t want to go home with any regrets.
Another moment of joy I wanted to tick off my list was making myself head to the TimeOut Market photobooth. I’ve been wanting to take photobooth pictures for so long and keep chickening out/not making enough effort to do it with friends. On that trip I was determined. The fotomat I wanted to go to was sadly still being repaired so that was out, but I was so excited to find out there was one in the TimeOut Market. I wasn’t thrilled with the bright colours of the photos, preferring black and white, but it was better than nothing.
I went into the market to scope it out on my first full day but decided I didn’t like the look of it so left, I wasn’t making myself go in there if I wasn’t going to go through with it. But I couldn’t stop thinking about it for the next couple of days, I kept asking myself why I wasn’t doing it, I’d seen others taking cute photos in there so what was stopping me? I decided to stop being a lemon and to give it a try, what’s €5 in the grand scheme of things when this would still be a souvenir? After circling again (twice!) and chickening out, I walked back around again and marched straight in.
These photos did NOT disappoint. I was immediately obsessed, I didn’t feel weird going in there alone, I love the way the photos came out (there were filter options but the original is my favourite) and the price is so good considering you get a digital copy of the photobooth strips and 2 printed copies! In fact I loved it so much that I went back the next 2 days for more. It’s true that doing something once takes the fear out of doing it again (unless it was a truly terrifying experience first time around).
If my trip taught me anything, it’s how capable I am, in many ways, here’s why;
- I was more than capable of booking flights, finding accommodation (although what a process that was), and planning the whole trip. I researched safer areas, thoroughly read reviews for accommodations and made sure I booked something that seemed appropriate and sensible for a woman solo travelling. That in itself is a massive step, I didn’t consult anyone else, I didn’t ask for any help, I just carried out my own research and made my own decisions.
- I’m capable of making my way to the airport (on time), checking in my own baggage, finding my own way to the departure gate and getting on a plane alone. And the same on the return trip in a foreign country and making my way home safely and without issue. For someone who has never done any of these things without someone by my side, this is something so major that actually felt so minor when doing it.
- Researching where I want to go and making a comprehensive list. There’s always wiggle room, you will always pick up new places along the way and some points on your list may not be ticked off - but that just means you need to go back again, right?
- Hopping on a train and taking a day trip to another unknown place with nothing but myself, my phone and my tote bag containing a book and a notepad (and of course a power bank, I’m not getting stranded). That bizarrely felt so major yet so minor at the same time, the reward was so worth it though to view Cascais, one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever visited and I’m itching to head back there. Just 40 minutes each way from Lisbon, it felt far enough away from the city without being too far.
- Solo dining/drink - it’s something I’m steadily more comfortable with but this trip I did have my first evening meal in a restaurant which was far less scary than I had imagined pre-Lisbon. I picked a place I’d already been to earlier in the day for a few drinks, this meant the place already felt familiar and was in an area I already knew, there was outdoor seating and it felt less formal and more relaxed. Very key things if you’re like me and find themselves anxious at heading into a restaurant alone.
- Watching a football match abroad has been a dream of mine for so long, the timing of this trip was planned around watching Portugal play World Cup qualifying games, this international break saw them playing 2 home games in Lisbon so it seemed crazy to not capitalise on the opportunity and plan a trip I already wanted to go on around something I really wanted to do. I thought I’d be terrified. There’s no 2 ways about it. I thought I’d panic at the thought of going to an unknown stadium, in a brand new city, hoping my tickets worked and I hadn’t been sold dud ones on StubHub. But I was so calm about it, I hopped on the metro from the apartment to the 2nd closest station to the stadium and walked the rest of the way to give me a breather in case I needed to calm my nerves. It was a breeze, and a joy to attended both games. Early 2022 Sam would have been immensely proud of what I did.
- Putting myself out of my comfort zone in a million different ways that didn’t even phase me, things that would have made me shake and vibrate with nerves in the UK seemed a breeze in Lisbon which made the entire experience a hundred times easier. From exploring alone, to eating alone, to happy hour, to walking to new places until my feet hurt, to shooting content in public and not caring who saw me. I was reminded to just explore and feel like a child with wide eyed wonder who was actually able to do the things she wanted and create the memories she craved.
Being proud of myself I’d not something I often feel, I’ve only felt it a couple of times in my life, but this life changing trip made me feel proud of myself in ways I’ve never felt before and now I don’t fear another solo trip, I relish in the thought of it and can’t wait to explore more of what this world has to offer.
S xo
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