HOW LISBON HELPED ME FEEL MORE COMFORTABLE BEING SOLO

Rambling thoughts ahead, proceed with mild….caution? No, you already know I’m a rambler who can’t tame her words (or scale them down, there’s a reason I almost hit my + 10% word count for my dissertation).

I’ve just returned from my very first abroad solo trip. My very first solo flight, the very first time I’ve been in another country on my own with no one I know and solely with myself as company. It’s the biggest step I’ve ever taken on my own (aside from moving to a new city twice and starting new, but I had someone helping me do that, this felt different). On the first night there I felt so wonderfully overwhelmed and couldn’t stop myself from writing out my thoughts, whether I shared them would be a different matter, but I needed this for me. I needed to be able to look back on this either at the end of the trip, in a few weeks time or a number of years down the line to see how far I’ve come.

I’m usually someone who psyches herself to try somewhere new, dedicating time to going on a day off, feeling excited and then proceeds to walk past it 5 times before leaving and not doing the activity/trying that place. It’s ridiculous and exhausting and I feel like I’m missing out on so much by not doing.

I don’t want to shoot solo content in public (even if it’s just of my cute brunch) because I feel embarrassed, the thought of sitting alone eating a meal makes me nervous and I’d never been on a plane alone…until the day I went to Lisbon.

Something about that trip has altered my brain chemistry. Not just the fact the city is embedded into my soul now because I love it so much, but it’s like the moment I woke up that morning, I felt confident and I wasn’t nervous in the slightest that I was taking a solo trip abroad to Lisbon for 5 nights.

To be honest, it’s absurd. It’s a big step to take when I can barely get around without wearing my headphones, overthinking every last thing and have this annoying habit of wanting to do something and then last minute changing the plan because I’m too nervous and end up staying in.

But Lisbon, good old Lisbon changed me. My initial thought when I got off the plane was “oh sod it, let’s take an Uber”, and then I saw it was literally €1.85 to jump 2 metros to my Airbnb which is craaaaazy cheap. I put my general underground network knowledge to good use and set off like I knew exactly what I was doing. Fake it til you make it, right? It turns out it really is just that easy and I wasn’t stressed or anxious in the slightest. Plus, the view coming up the stairs from the metro and landing on the street, seeing an array of gorgeous tiles and a cute neighbourhood, was unreal.

In true Sam fashion, I had a small wobble and walked right past the food place I’d been intending to go to as my first stop before I could check into my Airbnb, all because it looked a bit busy and I couldn’t find a member of staff outside to see if I could sit there. I ended up about 10 minutes off course, on madly cobbled/tiled streets that are completely un-suitcase friendly, but after nearly pulling my right shoulder out of it’s socket dealing with a poor pavement/wheel combo, I landed back at Josephine’s Bistro and acted like the grown woman I am. As soon as I sat down with the sunshine shining and the tree lined street view, I was suddenly calm, why did I need to make it so difficult? After ordering a sandwich and a wildly cheap bottle of beer, I settled in with my book, listening to the soft Portuguese music playing from the speakers and felt overwhelmed by how happy and proud I was just to have made it to that point.

The whole trip was about pushing myself out of my comfort zone, I just wasn’t expecting how much I’d immediately embrace it.

During the late afternoon, I went for a wander with the intention of hitting a few spots I wanted to see and then grabbing a drink and heading to a miradoura to watch the sunset. I ended up a massively steep hill (I knew they were going to be steep but nothing could have prepared me for how much!) and found the miradoura I was looking for, only a good hour and a half before I intended to be there. It was stunning though and I think it looked beautiful in the bright sunshine. So then I set off walking, any old direction I didn’t care, I had time to be leisurely and to just explore. Heading more downtown, I suddenly saw water between the building at the bottom of the hill - I had no idea I was as near to the waterfront as I actually was!

Oh the peace I felt meandering along the waterfront as the sun slowly began to set, the joy on the faces of the locals and tourists alike that had flocked to the river front walls to take in the views. I felt so content, there’s no feeling like it. So content in fact, I pulled my small tripod from my bag and my camera remote, loaded my phone up and started shooting content. There was a restaurant right across from me, I could feel people looking over but I didn’t care, the thing that usually terrifies me was something I was absolutely fine with doing on my own for the first time ever, in a busy area. I truly surprised myself with that one. Everything about Lisbon felt welcoming and freeing and absolutely the place I needed to be at that time. It's like my self-conscious feelings evaporated and my anxiety slipped away with the sun melting into the waves. The ease with which I've pushed myself to do things since coming home, that would have made me feel uncomfortable or uneasy, is credit to the Lisbon experience.

Feeling so happy, I parked myself on an empty bit of wall, Lays and Sagres opened, and listening to a very spicy audiobook, I took in the beautiful first sunset of the trip. The weight of this year, the heaviness of my heart and shoulders from the last few months melted, even temporarily, I felt like I was exactly where I needed to be.

Just look at that for a sunset!

S xo