Friday, 23 September 2016

WHY IT'S HARD BEING TWENTY-TWO AND SINGLE

It's been said time and time again that growing up is the hardest time of your life, there's school, exams, puberty, life changing decisions and change. That's without friendships, relationships and break ups. I really found growing up tough, so quite frankly I'm a little glad I didn't have too many friends and had zero relationships. It was less heartbreak to endure when they would inevitably come to an end.

However, when you reach twenty-two years old, having spent your life being single, it's suddenly harder to accept that you're getting older without ever having someone by your side. 

 I'll be honest, the prospect of entering a relationship now terrifies me - it's not quite as easy to find a potential partner, who's in the same boat as you, when you're in your twenties as it would have been when you were sixteen.

Are you sure you're not a lesbian?

There's only so many times I can dispel people's theories that perhaps I'm actually a lesbian because I've never had a boyfriend. To be quite honest, that seriously offends me. Especially when I overhear a family member ask my mum this as soon as I left the room because he was so stunned I'd never been in a relationship. When I entered the room to tell him 'no, I'm most definitely straight', he replied with 'how do you know if you've never had a boyfriend?', like it's seriously that simple.

I've always told my family that if I were interested in the same sex then I wouldn't hide away from that, I have a good enough support system surrounding me that I would be proud to tell people that guys didn't do it for me. But the thing is, I've been interested in plenty of guys in the past, but sadly nothing became of it aside from some good friendships that lasted a few years. 

Is there something wrong with me?

I can't tell you how many times I have asked myself this. I used to second guess everything I did, how I dressed, how I applied my make up, and even tried to hide my mouth when I laughed so my few slightly crossed over teeth weren't on show or my nose didn't spread too far over my face. I was so sure that I wasn't attractive enough, or perhaps I had a bit too much weight around my middle. Perhaps I wasn't girly enough, liked too much Pop-Punk and favoured skinny jeans over cute sundresses instead.

Thankfully I've since snapped out of most of that way of thinking, yes I'm good enough and yes there will be someone out there for me, but it doesn't make it any easier when you're one of the only single girls out of your friends. 

The odd one out

My Facebook timeline is filled with friends who are pregnant, getting engaged, married or celebrating anniversaries, and whilst I'm not asking for major commitment or a family, just something would make me feel more 'normal'.

No one wants to attend weddings alone or family parties where your +1 is your mobile phone, even kissing strangers isn't exciting anymore when you realise that you only did it because you were drunk and liked the attention.

Don't give up hope

With all of this being said, I'm still only in my early twenties with 3 years of university and a whole life ahead of me. It wouldn't be fair for me to write myself off as a spinster just yet.

Here's a head up for those of you approaching 22, it's not always like a Taylor Swift song, but I hope you're happy in whatever situation you are/will be in.

S xo
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Ps. Apologies for the blog radio silence lately, packing up my life and moving to Wales was a big job, as was starting university this week, but fingers crossed I'll be back to normal asap.
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3 comments

  1. I totally understand everything you have said in this post. I was 21 when I had my first relationship and have been with the same guy since. I always thought I was single for the same reasons as you, but to be honest, I was waiting for the right person and I never really put myself out there to meet people in the first place! I hope you find the right man at the right time, he will come into your life when you least expect it :)

    http://laurenslittleblogs.blogspot.co.uk/

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  2. You are becoming more confident in yourself Sam. Getting to actually like & accept your own skin as it were. The old saying is SO true.. You need to learn to love yourself before you can love someone else is so true. You have grown into a beautiful young lady and I think when you meet that certain someone, he will realise he has found someone very special! xx

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  3. Oh, angel, I hear you. I was perpetually single until the start of this year and now I live with the guy!

    I actually found it to be a really positive thing for me.
    I'd spent my early twenties getting drunk and sleeping around and assuming that the guys would never call (and then making excuses and deleting their numbers when they did). Then I moved to Australia and met one of my dearest friends, who has been single since she moved overseas too, and she's absolutely helped me see that being alone is no indication of your worth or value.

    The advantage is that I've had more time to figure out who I am and the things I like and what I actually want from a relationship and it became less about worrying about being alone and more about refusing to settle.

    It also helped me realise that being this way isn't weird or different - and you talking about it on your blog actually reminded me of that! - but that everyone's got their own pace and their own path.
    One day the world's going to catch up with what we already know - that still being single in your 20s isn't a bad thing, it's just one of those weird things that people like to make you feel bad for!

    Hope everything's going well at uni - Facebook me your address and I'll send you some Australian postcards for your wall!

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